Blue’s Lee Ryan says ‘I had a dream’ – and sparks a million feline nightmares

Lost in Showbiz doesn’t mind admitting that it has recently felt bereft, oddly incomplete, nagged day and night by the suggestion that something was missing from its life. It feels free to confess this to you because it suspects that you have felt the same way too, and that we all know full well what the problem is. We’ve been pining for Lee Ryan, absent from public life since his appearance last year on Celebrity Big Brother. Even that offered a relatively subdued performance from pop’s leading seer and savant, overshadowed by the admittedly diverting sight of seeing Daily Mail columnist Liz Jones being handcuffed to Dappy from N-Dubz. While resident in the CBB house, Ryan offered no news as to what had happened to the “revelation of spirit” he previously predicted being visited upon the human race around the time of Blue’s appearance in the Eurovision Song Contest: “People and their minds are going to change. I don’t think the end of the world is the end of the world. I think there’s a spiritual evolution coming. You can feel it.”

Well, pine no more. Ryan is back, announcing his reappearance in inimitable style via an interview in Heat magazine. Regretfully, there’s little in the way of his trademark philosophising: no mention of the revelation of spirit, no suggestion the government is trying to prevent him from sharing vital information about aliens with us. Yet, even without that, still offers much thought-provoking material, not least the moment when he answers a question about recent dreams. “I had a dream a cat came on to me, and I had a sexual relationship with a cat,” he offers. “That was a weird one. Not that I’m into fiddling with animals or anything,” he adds, presumably lest he receive a knock on the door from a kind of zoophile wing of Operation Yewtree – Operation Mew-Tree, if you will. “But it was really weird, because this cat was really seductive, coming on to me.” Happily, he offers further clarification of the dream-cat’s unique brand of seduction entailed: “It was purring and shit.”
There, sadly, he draws a discreet veil: no mention of what happened when he finally succumbed and yielded his all to the nonexistent feline temptress. Nevertheless, LiS feels obliged to turn to Ryan in salutation and say: thank God you’re back, all is right with the world once more. Then it turns gratefully back to the interview and reads him completing the sentence “People don’t expect me to …” with the words “… be intelligent.”